Creation
St Peter is frantic, he hasn't been able to find God for a week. On Sunday God turns up looking exhausted but very pleased with himself. St Peter askes where he's been, so God takes him outside the gates and points down and says 'see that green and blue thing down there? I made that, it's perfect, it's all about opposites, good and bad, warm and cold, highs and lows but do you see that big ol' place there? Thats the best place down there, it's perfect, it's white and beautiful, the people are amazing and the beer is great, I called that Canada' Peter is confused and says 'God if its all about opposites, how come this place is so good?' God replies, 'You should see the fuckers I put beside them.'

Now this funny
A woman is throwing a themed fancy dress party and the theme is moods, so later that night there is a knock at the door and the person at the door is in all red he states that he has come as anger. The next person is in all green and he says he has come as envy. then the door bell goes and when she opens it there is a 2 men there. 1 standing with his willy in a bowl of custard and the other with his knob inside a pear, looking shocked she asks what have they come as, to which 1 man answers I'm fucking despair and he's fucking disgusted.

Now this funny (part 2)
A man who lives with just his mother goes on holiday and leaves his beloved cat at home. He asks his brother to pop in every day at the 2 o'clock and he'll ring up ("phone" for the Americans) to check on things. The next day comes and the man rings up, the first thing he says is "Hows the cat?" "Oh," his bro replys, "She's dead." The man cries hysterically and when he finally calms down he says, "You should have broke it to me gently on the first day. You should have said, "Yeah, yeah she's fine." Then, on the next day you should have said, "Well theres a problem she's stuck on the roof and we are trying to get her down." and then on the next day you could have said, "Its not looking good but we are still trying", and then on the last day you could have said "I'm sorry but she didnt make it...""
The brother thinks for a bit and says "Yeah, that would have been better."
The man suddenly remembers his mother; "Hows mum" he says.
"Oh! ..... Erm .... She's on the roof!"

What's worse than 2 dead babies in a basket? One dead baby in two baskets. And what's even worse? Two baskets in one dead baby.

A little girl finds her puppy dead, laying on it's back and it's legs in the air. She asks her dad why it is like that and her dad told her that it was dead and that it's legs were like that so Jesus could pick it up and take it to heaven.

The next day, the little girl ran to her dad and said "dad, mum nearly died today. She was on her back with her legs in the air shouting ' Oh Jesus, I'm coming!!!! I'm cooooommmmminnnnnnng!!!!!!' and if the milkman hadn't been holding her down, we would have lost her.

i take all dat back<3 he's so sweet xD ooh!! i love him i love him i love him!!! dat night his mum was in the room so he couldnt tell me all the mushy stuff. so he jus whispered good nite and put down then jus before i went to bed he called... i was like puzzled y so i answered it and his sweet voice came on.. so i was like "yea?" then he went like "i wanted to say a proper good nite before i sleep" then i was like thinking.. oh my god, he's so sweet.. and he didnt haf to he could've msged me or jus go to sleep... but he didnt... he called again to say good nite.. awwww!!! and dat morning it was raining like SIAO.. and he saw dat it was so heavy and he msged me to ask if i was alright... AWWW!!!!! so touched xD he's soooo sweet... sweeter than last time man... i think sth's wrong wif him now =x or maybe he's changed... ohh!! i love him <3 xD omytian! so mushy xD

YEAH!!! we're back together!!! but we seem abit detached... guess i was right? it'll never be the same again... its always boring and we never talk. sigh.. i duno... honestly, my trust in him has not regained totally... i still trust him and i'd like to believe he REALLY STILL loves me but i dunno wad he's thinking right? Damn it luhs... i dunno... it feels kinda nice to be back tgt and i hope it will last this time... i dun wanna lose him again but sometimes its easier said then done? i dun believe in loving someone forever.. unless we're one of the lucky ones but im sure this wun be my last relationship... but i hope it is.. exams are coming... i think i'll remain dominant now until may+ JUNE CHALET PEOPLE!!! i wan him to go but i dun think he'll like it there... i mean they're all strangers to him... i wouldnt like it too if i had to face his frens... so yea... maybe next time we can mix it =D half of his frens half of mine.. HAHA!!! that'll be fun =P oh wells... guess i'll see you all in may? i gotta study maths man!!! my math SUX!!!!!!!! ok byebyes =D

did you see the article on stomp.. singaporeans these days.. i mean its CHARITY we're toking about. the 60k dun go to the school or the principl if u may... you all duno how hard it is to raise even $60.. i spent 5hrs out there trying to get people to donate and i couldnt even get close to $60.. i got $26.80! and the money was PLUS MY OWN MONEY... i donated ALL my money i had left to the tin! i ate at the food court and i couldnt even STAND when i got home.. and because some didnt go thru this before. its a very draining, tiring thing to do. you noe how much it costs for a whole organisation of needy kidney failure people to get dialysis even for a small organisation? a few MILLION dollars.. they are the lives these donations can save.. we are all human.. the whole world is family and shouldnt we give something out to save these lives? if everybody from singapore donated 10cents each... mind you 10CENTS... we could already get 400k+ dollars? enough to save a few lives.. and if a dollar, 4million dollars... i mean, how hard is $1? jus that dollar can save one life.. This is a story i think many haf heard...

there was a rich man. an old woman walked up to him with a tin and said that if he showed true generousity, he would haf a special something. the rich man was curious and thus donated bags of money. just then a poor young woman walked by and saw the old lady and saw the tin. she opened her wallet and found ten dollars. she put the ten dollars in the tin and smiled to the old lady. just as she was walking away, the old lady walked to her and put a gold piece in her hand with the words generousity carved on it.. the rich man was baffled and asked the old lady why she gave the poor young lady the coin instead of him as he donated so much more.. the old lady said to him:" True generousity is sacrificing and asking nothing in return. she may haf given less but she gave all her remaining money and she did not noe about the gold piece... and altho you donated more, you haf so much more of money left and these are only peanuts to you. she's poor but she still donated... tho not much but it shows she has a good heart and a good heart is priceless."

You're saving a life with every cent and dollar donated.. with this article.. nobody would want to donate anymore.. and because of this post on the net, hundreds of people suffer... and it was all caused by ONE PERSON. see how it all affects everybody? pls rmb... we are doing it for OTHERS... we sacrifice our time get nth in return... yes money is not easy to earn... but haf u thought of the unfortunate people hu dun haf dat kind of luck? the people hu cannot work and are struggling everyday to stay alive? Life is precious and it's borrowed. We only haf one life and seeing these people fighting everyday jus to see the world one more time, we then realise that we are so fortunate to have a perfect life, perfect health. We are not asking for your life... we are jus asking for sth dat can be replenished... to save someone and allow him/her to live one more day so that hopefully, an available kidney comes thru and their live would go back to normal... So PLEASE DONATE TO THOSE PEOPLE WITH TINS ON THE STREETS! UR SAVING A LIFE

to see our ancestor and the birth chain... go to this website =D http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Love (right below there's a table xD) muahahahaha!!! i love myself!!! brain cell i love u... ur the only cell i haf left T.T MUACKS<3 lalalalalalallalalaalallalalalalaalalalalallallaaa... octopuss is my cat's name =D


There was once a mirror hu would make u disappear when u tell a lie.. so there was a ginger(redhead), a brunette(kitsune) and a blonde(blonde?).. the ginger said to the mirror... "i think i like dat single guy"... and she disappeared.. ><
The kitsune(supposedly no sense of humour but alot of brains O.o) said to the mirror.. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and she disappeared..

The blonde laughed at them.. then she said to the mirror... "i think..." and she disappeared forever... such a sad story.. i cried =(

1. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in
the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend
and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this,
the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there
and drown her."

2. Two blondes were standing next to a convertable trying to open it wih a wire. a
brunette came passed and asked what they were doing. The blonde with the wire
replied "I left the keys inside, its starting to rain and the roof is down."
3. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her
hair so she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to
take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a
farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She
got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep
you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself,
said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The
farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette),
picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, the farmer walked up
to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"

4. I once saw a blonde so dumb, when she missed the #22 bus, she took the #11 bus
twice

Blonde is also a term for severe mental retardation. This is found in many people of "certain" haircolors and sadly, hair dye does not cure it. the victim will be thrown into the butt of all jokes, and will also accumulate strange temptations while reading directions that state things not meant to be taken literally. Such as in geometry if a blonde was asked to find "X", they would simply circle the the large X next to the problem. But it just so happens that a lot of brunettes happen to get very jealous of blondes because 1)they, like, have more fun 2) like they are so totally better looking 3)like they just so happen to have guys bow down to us when we walk past them 4) like they created our own super hot and cool lingo like "like" and "shut up" when nobody says anything.

It is October 12, 1998, on a dark and stormy night. A blonde is out at night, driving her car. She runs into a truck, the only other vehicle on the road. The truck's driver makes her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. Her heart pounds in her throat. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the pavement. He tells her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he goes over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde starts laughing. This makes the man angrier so he smashes her windshield. This time the blonde laughs even harder. Livid, the man brakes all her windows and keys her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Facts on blondes
1. We have come to a conclusion that they are made of plastic
2. Are most likely found in packs roaming the mall with a token "ugly brunette".
3. They get depressed when they dont have a boyfriend for a period of time over 2
hours. (dang)
4. They used many words in inapprpriate places such as:
slut,bitch,totally,fugly,byotch,like(on a constant basis), back stabber, shut-up
(usually when a person didn't say anything)
5. Dyed Blonde hair hides the fact that they are a butterface.
6. Most blondes' vocabulary is composed/always limited to 4 phrases: "Like,
totally!" "Shut up!" "Like totally shut up!" "OMG: Oh My God!! *atheist version:
Oh My Gosh!!"
7. Forcing a blonde to read a book will cause her to implode into a massive black
hole, hence the begginig of the end of all times, which is why blondes were
banned from Amazon.com's book section
8. You should never mix blondes and onions... (just don't, for Christ's sake)
9. You should never blonde and drive

i miss him so much T.T damn.. daesia's right i gotta stop talking to daryl totally... i gotta let him get some breathing spac but its too hard to stop myself.. but its not as bad as taking drugs.. i think about him 24/7 now.. oh my tian. i miss him soooooooooo much and tian... i duno i gotta tie my hands up.. i wonder wad he's doing everytime... i dun feel like toking to anyone else but him.. i gotta keep my mind off him but how? everything reminds me of him... oh my tian... at least i got the blondies to help me... or at least 2blondies... now we're not as close anymore.. syukri's a totally different person... he's not fun anymore... and i hardly tok to him... adrian's wierd and all i tink about at school is him... DARYL STOP INVADING MY BRAIN! im stupid enough to think about blue having 4letters so 4x2=4... so my brain CELL nids a break.. poor guy.. so lonely.. then i was walking home today and some stupid no uniform guys were making fun of temasek when i walked by... eyes rolling likecrazy luh... idiots.. they will be sorry if they were wearing uniforms.. if they haf any luh.. stupid guys... AHHHHHHHHHHHH brain cell saying *call daryl* i think i nida kill this brain cell too... but then i wun haf anymore... and i'll be dumb... damn.. im in a dilemma(if dats how u spell it...) 2x4=6.. i think... oh wait.. i cant think >< or was dat a 4? O.o OCTOPUSS IS A CAT =D

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

trUSt.. i think ur smart enough to noe why there's a US in trust.. cos a relationship takes two... not one.. when there is trust in a relationship, it builds a barrier and a sense of security.. a relationship w/o trust is a failed relationship. and from trust comes honesty.. ur partner or even U may not noe wad ur doing and this may end up really badly.. so encouraging honesty is most important. we may get lost in our arguement and start saying things we do not mean to say and all the insecurity comes out. And insecurity comes from lack of an honest and trusting relationship. and if u dun tell ur partner how u feel, u would end up suffering and this would lead to a bad break up. ur partner would not noe wad jus happened and u two may end up not even being frens.. u cant expect him/her to noe AUTO right? The longer you hold it in, the more difficult if will become to correct the situation.

Communication.. talking frequently and spending time together is equally important as anything. if u dun even miss each other then sth is wrong. talking and going out often srengthens the relationship and build a bond. spending time wif each other allows the other person a sense of security and make him/her feel loved. if ur partner tells u ur clingy.. take it into heart and reflect if u really haf been expressing urself in the wrong way or try to b wif him/her too much.. and maybe ur partner thinks ur suspecting him or dun trust him dats y u seem so sticky to him. and if ur thots and intentions differ, clarify it wif ur other half.. sth maybe wrong or maybe he's having a stressful time and needs some breathing space. respect his views and dun try to argue.. leave him alone for a few days or sth before talking to him again. being to rash or hasty would affect ur relationship a great deal so control ur emotions and let him cool down but also let him noe wdv it is, ur open and lending him a helping hand.. and dat he can trust u and he can share all his troubles wif u as well. but if he doesnt wan to do so, dun persist. =)

relationship help? this website help me ALOT... my first real relaationship... http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/8-30-2005-75784.asp <<< articles from counsellors and peeps... really great advice and stuff... i learned alot from them and my relationship... =) doesnt let u make the mistakes ppl make... especially peeps like us.. first real relationship.. but the firsts dun usually work out.. and the pain and hurt of a failing relationship will really strengthen u alot and teach u lessons u'll nvr forget and it helps u in ur future love life and stuff too... so dun be so crestfallen when ur first relationship fails... there'll always be another hu loves u as much as ur first ;)

i jus realised.. u can learn alot from failed relationships... and i haf learned some myself... i was being selfish.. selfish cos i didnt care about his feelings and i thot i wanted the best for him and i noe wad he needs... but i was obviously wrong.. he's old.. older than me... he noes wad he's doing.. wad he wans.. and i, being his girlfren should support him in all his decisions instead of trying to prove him wrong and telling him to change...

Law #4 - Enjoy Honest Communication.
Without the ability to say No, we cannot say Yes. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to make another happy. Don't give up that which is meaningful to you for the sake of a friendship. The bedrock of all happy relationships is mutual respect and acceptance and open, honest, communication. Ask for what is important to you. Find out what is really going on for your partner. When a person really feels listened to and accepted they feel loved.

Law #5 - Don’t Try To Change Or Fix Other Person.
Let everyone be who they are, including yourself. So many of us are obsessed with changing or fixing everyone. This is not friendship, but manipulation. . Many believe that if the person cared enough, they would certainly change for them. This is not so. Changing another is not your job. Find out who the person you are with really is. If someone feels accepted, they can change themselves, if they want to.

Law #7 - See the Best In Others - And In Yourself.
What we see in others, we bring out in them. If we focus upon their negative points (and let them know about them), you can be certain the negativity will increase. When we focus upon what is good in that person and let them know, this brings out the best. The better a person then feels about themselves, the less need they have for negativity. Often it can just fall away on its own.

most importantly...

Law #7 ½ - The Master Law. When They Come We Welcome, When They Go We Do Not Pursue
Understand that each relationship lasts for a certain time. You've come together to learn from one another, to share, enjoy and often move along. This is not rejection, but growth and change. Change is natural and inevitable. Don't see it as failure. Don't see it as loss. Don't try to control when time comes to go. Realize that if the person is supposed to be with you longer, they will return on their own. The greatest art of relationships is to know how to let go. When someone new comes welcome them, when it's time to let go, thank the person for all you've received from them and let go.

jie said i should not talk to him right now... i can feel he's still angry at me...very angry... i noe he is... i try to stop myself from smsing him or calling him but i cant help it... i miss him so much.. i wanna wrap my arms around him and cry my heart out.. i jus wan him again i dunwanna lose him.. i miss him alot.. i duno wad else to do.. im not studying.. im not listening to class... im not doing my hw... im not talking much.. im not smiling much... im not joking much... i cant help it.. im jus too sad.. i wan him back but how? he doesnt wan me.. he's really mad at me and i duno wad to do... i feel so lost... i nid help... i cant lose him... i cant... not if he still loves me... i NEED him... i dunid anyone else... i jus nid him.. dats all i want.. all i wan is daryl to be by my side again... but look wad ive done... i dun tink he still loves me... he's still living his life, having so much fun... soon he'll forget me and go wif someone else... wad can i do...

it was better today... i didnt cry... i feel like crying but nth came out... which was worse cos i felt so bad.. so uncomfy... at least ytd i felt better cos i ended up crying for more than an hour.. i cried in sch.. i cried during malay, i went home and cried, i cried in front of the computer.. i didnt eat much of dinner.. no appetite.. and i went up and cried again... i called daryl jus to hear his voice... the first time i was too scared to say anything.. and he sounded very irritated... so i kept quiet... then i called him again.. i jus said hi... and he went ya? then i said nth... bye... i felt like crying so much then.. his voice was so normal and so... i hanged up and jus kept crying til i fell asleep.. i felt so lonely and so depressed i jus lay there crying the whole nite... then i woke up wif puffy eyes and in my shorts and shirt... i felt so empty the whole day.. i didnt even care wad they were teaching... i could think... i felt so empty and like my heart disappeared.. i came home and ate the instant pizza and i filled my glass wif ice and water and i ate a tub of ice cream.. i didnt feel any better... i wanna cry all out but i had no more tears left.. now jo went to bugis.. im alone at home.. i didnt feel like going out.. i jus sat on the sofa and felt emptier than before... im now crying... only w/o any tears... playing take u there over and over again, imagining daryl was singing it jus like the las time i heard him sing... which was 2days ago... if only i hadnt acted smart all this wouldnt haf happened... at last... i feel some tears blurring up... lemme cry! lemme feel better... let me let it go...

i feel so USELESS... daryl im soo sorry... i didnt realise wad i did... i really wanna patch.. i dun wanna lose u... ive been crying the whole day... im really sorry.. i hope u still love me... i cant live w/o u... i noe wad i tried to do was wrong... please forgive me... i duno wad else to do.. i dun wan u to go.. i dun wan u to leave me... u said u'll nvr break wif me and this time i noe i went overboard.. i really dunwan us to end this way... but i guess u'll nvr see this... u dun even go to my blog anyways... u dun read my posts too anyways... and i dunno how to tell u all this... how i feel... jie says we should take this time to calm down and reflect... but i miss u too much... i cant let u go... i cant b strong w/o u... i duno how... pls dun do tis to me... hope u read this tis time

god.. i wonder wad he's doing now.. i really miss him now.. and even tho i said all those things about him... he's being so sweet about it... wad haf i done? i miss the times he would be so happy and playing songs for me to hear.. then he'll sing and sing and i wouldlisten to it even tho its not dat nice.. i still love it... the times he would cheer me up everytime i cry or sth even tho i was wrong... the times we quarreled and he told me not to cry and say sorry even tho i was in the wrong.. the times he would be all horny and say all the funny stuff... the times he became cheeky and cute and play around and tell me jokes.. the times he would talk crap... the times he became high and kept making me laugh and making himself look silly.. the times he WAS silly... and he would act so funnily and ask me the same qn again and again and then say.. wait.. i jus asked u the same qn.. oops.. the times we would spend on the phone at nite jus making funny sounds... the times we sang tgt to his favourite songs... the times he helped me cheat in mahjong by giving me the tiles... the times we had the day to ourselves... the times he cheekily argued hu goes hu's house.. the times we laughed discussing HOW to go each other's house... the times we lay in bed not talking... the times he sends funny pictures to me... the way he asks for sth he wants... the way he says goodnite and gud morning wif a heart everyday w/o fail... the times we chatted for so long... the times we shared stuff bout ourselves... the times we discussed over wad we ate and wat we didnt... the times i would tell him i would push everything i dun eat to his plate when i get the chance... the time i sent him a letter which he only received 6days after valentines day... the times he always tried to keep me company everytime im bored... the time he tried to woo me and said mushy stuff... the time he asked me to be his girlfren.... the times we were so happy tgt... i miss it all sooo much... and i jus lost the most important person in my heart... and it was because of myself that i did... and i pushed the blame to him.. when it wasnt even his fault... i nid wei lun's time machine now...

i blew it... totally blew it... i jus had a talk wif my sis... i cried it all out and she helped me see alot of things... Daryl im sorry... its my fault..AGAIN.. but im not telling u to like get back wif me or anything.. im totally fine wif it... but i would like to... but if u dun then fine.. im not gonna force u.. i should haf understood.. i should haf known... cos ironically.. im like u too.. i dun study at all and im telling someone else hu hates studying too to study... wad am i thinking? am i crazy? i mean... i wont like it too... omg... i blew my first ever REAL relationship wif someone.. i tried to change someone AGAIN.. i tried to help them but i jus made everything worse... damn me... i havent changed too, no matter how my sis tried to make me study... i didnt like it too... and mind u.. i LOVE my sister... why could i jus let him do, i cant force him.. wdf is wrong wif me.. i tried to change someone hu's jus like me and i didnt THINK how he would feel? same to kevin... and to dot... why cant i LEARN? why didnt i see something would go wrong? all my other attempts haf failed or half succeeded... why could i see? why could i understand someone on the same boat as me? why could i SEE he was on the same boat as me... im such a loser... someone jus slap me.. i feel so damn stupid and i lost someone cos of me... guess im my worse enemy huh/? wad haf i DONE... i tried to change syukri and ben and owl and daesia.. WHY AM I DOING SUCH STUPID THINGS WHEN I MYSELF AINT DOING IT? its jus like wad jo and aunty pat is doing... which i HATE... WHY COULDNT I SEE THEY WUN LIKE IT TOO? why couldnt i see HE wun like it either... i can only blame myself for being so screwed up and screw ppl up in the process... he's right... i cant change him in 6mths.. he's been like this for his whole life.. wad am i DOING? so now i lost him... i cried the whole morning.. i went to school and cried... i cried during malay... and i still couldnt figure sth dat simple out.. WHY AM I SO FUCKING STUPID...?! why cant i bloody think properly? i jus screwed up my relationship.. a relationship i cared to lose... a relationship i wan so badly... and i said i loved him.. and yet look wad ive done.. i destroyed it... I, me, destoyed my own relationship.. and i blamed it on him... oh god.. wad am i gonna do now/.? im scared to say anything to him.. cos maybe he wun wanna tok about it.. maybe he wun wanna listen.. maybe he'll get angry again... maybe he wun accept me... maybe i'll cry... maybe i made him not love me anymore... wad haf i done?

i blew it... i totally blew it.. if i hadnt opened my big mouth.. and i got a test today.. i dun tink i can do it.. ms wdv person is screwing me up and i haf totally no mood listening to her stupid shit... im damn shit now lah... so many things happened this morning.. too much to think about... i think i cant study at all this whole week.. i totally dun haf any cheeriness in me now lah... wdv luhs... i now seriously hack care now luh... im not in the mood to hear anything from her mouth... i cried this morning for about 30min then i came to school and i listened to his favourite song.. take u there... and i started crying..im damn screwed... tcher here... continue at home.... yay me =.=