damn... mid year.. this is the worst exam marks i could ever get and ever will get!!! I FAILED BLOODY 5 SUBJECTS!!! and all my passes are all 50+ not even 1 is over 56...wdf.. i failed my hist,sci,maths,chinese,lit and homec =.= the homec cos i didnt hand in pbl... i jus handed it in on tues... man... MY LIFE IS SCREWED!!! i came home and cried this afternoon.. even tho i was all laughy and happy... well, sometimes u jus put on a brave front but inside ur crumbly and falling into depression cos u noe dat the road ur taking aint gonna b easy and ur so lazy to try hard to achieve ur goals... oh sara! SNAP OUT OF IT!!! ur not in paradise anymore!! 5failures!! if u dun buck up u'll be in NA which u already haf a high chance of going there... ur passes were only borderline passes!! ur last in class obviously!! comeon!! where was the person i knew hu worked for everything she achieved!! wad happened to the faithful not useless fighter hu would stand back up even tho she fell and keep on running!! wad happened??!!! my god! ur not reaching ur double science goal!!! the goal u set for urself for so long.. u got worse in fact!! look! u set a goal and ur way far from it! 5fails and u wanna go to phy/chem?? LOOK AT URSELF IN THE MIRROR!!! wad haf u become!! if u keep being at it like this, the smart sassy girl u were, would become the family embarrasssment! even ur sister hu aint dat smart noes she gotta achieve sth in her life!! look at her now! internship, poly. she's on a roll! and u? u'r not fit to be a member of this family! ur cousins, no matter how smart they are still can hang on but look!!! NA!! NORMAL ACAD!! did u plan this for urself? u got into a great school and seeing dat u didnt even touch a book to get 235.. dat doesnt mean u can b all laid back and relaxing.. u were lucky.. u noe u were. min requirement score.. and u got in.. now look... guess it wasnt a blessing? but it is a blessing in disguise cos this would make u push urself.. push urself to attain wad ur mind has set for u.. wad u set for urself. and u mus achieve i cos dat's ur life.. and u noe it!! so pull ur socks up!( even tho ankle socks are all the rage now) get there!! u noe u can do it. and if people put u down. dun listen. no1 has the right to tell u wad u can and cannot do. only urself is capable of telling urself everything is possible if i WAN to make it possible! he next exam, ur gonna get at least 3As and no failures! (maybe the occasional C..) but even that, its a tremendous improvement!!! u can do it and people hu love u are rooting for u all the way!!! so dun let them down and buck up!! GANBARE!!!!


WE LOVE U SARA!<3

my relationshiip is in tatters... man.. i dunno.. he says im sticky now.. dats y we've not been toking much for the past few days... he's the one calling me.. i dunno.. i dunno wad he's thinking, i dunno wad he's doing.. i dunno whether he's lying or telling the truth.. not dat i dun trust him but really.. i havent met him.. i dunno.. i dun even noe whether he loves me... he's not replying my msgs and i hope its cos he's busy wif his school carnival... i really hope i can trust his words when he says dat he will nvr cheat on me or sth.. maybe syukri is right.. maybe im jus too shallow... if he finds me sticky then does dat mean he doesnt miss me at all? does dat mean dat he finds me annoying and a burden to be wif.. does dat mean he doesnt love me anymore... i think we've both changed.. since the last time we broke.. after we patched.. hings seemed totally different... he says i always act cute a lil.. but i dunno.. maybe i've changed.. maybe ive become my inner self.. maybe ive jus brought out hu i wanna be.. maybe its cos i feel comfy enough wif him to show him the other side of me.. or maybe its cos ive been doing this for quite long so it becomes a habit and it became my personality.. he changed too.. he forgets alot of stuff and i think finds dat i ask for alot.. altho he says no.. i dun quite believe him.. he doesnt say i love you anymore or i miss u or wdv.. he only says and kisses me or wdv when i tell him i wan it.. does this mean he really has given up on me.. is he seeing someone else? im very confused and unsure now.. and when he said i was alil sticky.. well the truth hurts right? we got into a tiff and yea... he's pissed at me now.. and i dunno wad to do... i dun even noe wad he's feeling or thinking.. i cried again tis morning... im at a loss.. wad should i do.. wad CAN i do to salvage this relationship.. or maybe.. jus maybe.. its not even worth trying... well i cant do tis all alone.. i cant blame him for not saying i love you or not getting worried when im soooooo sick or sth... or not showing any signs of loving me at all.. after all he doesnt noe me... he hasnt seen me.. he cant read me like a book... he hardly remembers or noes anything about me.. i dunno if this relationship can really work out.. if we're both not putting in effort... am i asking for a lot here? all i wan is jus to b reminded dat he does love me and care for me... and CARES about me... maybe being wif someone u dunno isnt such a great thing after all... even if for some funny reason ur attracted to him.. even if u guys havent even met.. he's afraid to meet me.. i dun blame him.. i mean its like being new in a school whr u dunno anybody at all... i dunno.. i really dunno.. wad should i do.. can someone tell me wad should i do?

pure ssha nanka hanenokete i wanna shake off all the pressure

su naoni narita in dakedona want to be honest to myself

kyara jyanai to ka iwaretatte and say this is not my personality

atashi no kokoro unlock! unlock my heart

naritaiiyou uninare ba iijyan its alright to be someone u wish to be

shugo kyara ga tsuite ru yo guardian angels will folo u all the way

yaritai you niyare ba iijyan its alright to do wad u wish to do

zenzen okke dashi its perfectly ok

naritai iyou ninare ba iijyan jus b someone u wish to be

hitotsudake jyatsumannai its lonely to be alone

yaritai iyou ninare ba iijyan just do wad u wish to do

nandatte dekiruyo everything can be achieved

naitai atashi the one i wish to be

kiito definitely

sigh... i jus broke up wif mua blondies jus now... i quit from blondies... oops.. i forgot to give the S back... i'll do it tmr... anyways... i dunno... evb hates me.. they dun like my personality.. im overdoing everything.. im acting too cute.. im childish... im immature.. im whinny.. im a slut.. im a jap bitch... im jus a plain bitch... i showed syukri the pms look... i broke their heart.. i fought wif them over lucas... i supported lucas.. im too hot tempered... i get too angry... im being a bitch when im angry... they nvr get angry... im too persistant... i act too dumb... im irritating... i cant slap them but they can slap me... im childish for slapping them back... im too playful... i like to play and joke too much...ok u get th point... they hate me... wdf.. if i cant be myself and honest and wad shit then wads called a best fren? dats jus me right? they say ive changed... they wan me to change... they dun like anything about my personality.. well dats my personality whether anyone likes it or not.. its not like im forcing anyone to be frens wif me.. maybe im better of a loner.. i duno.. i dun trust bestfrens.. cos they arent my bestfrens.. bestfrens accept ur personality.. they like everything about u.. they put it across nicely and they dun get all fustrated when ur slow.. they dun blame u for things u nvr did wrong... they dun blame u for being hu u r because u arent like them... they dun blame u for doing back wad they did to u... they dun jus spit everything in ur face even when we're crying.. they dun get all jealous and defensive.. they arent selfish.. they accept wad interests u even tho it doesnt interest them... they dun get all emo and angry at u cos of... well.. i duno.. i dunno wad exactly happened... at all... daesia was all pms tdy.. she jus suddenly got angry wif me... and i duno wad i did.. and now its my fault? why is everything my fault.. why is everything dat happens to blondies my fault? why is it dat everything is directed to only me? its unfair... i dun deserve this.. id rather go to people hu like me cos im me.. too like the inner and outer side of me.. i jus wanna haf a fren i can trust enough... cos i cant trust anyone now.. im confused and everything jus passed so fast.. i didnt even noe wad i did.. wad did i do wrng? isit wrong to joke or to laugh or to act dumb or to play or be juvenile at times? everyone has an inner kid and i like dat part of me to show... i like me... why cant anyone like me? why cant anyone accept my character... isit so hard to tok to me? am i dat bad dat my bestfren feels he cant tok to me? well i cant tok to him either... actually.. we're all being selfish.. im caring for myself and i dun care about their feelings... but also.. did they care about mine? i ran away from syukri today while he was toking... i didnt wanna listen... i didnt wan him to see me cry... i didnt wanna cry there... but he still persisted.. and there... i cried.. i couldnt hold them back.. U HAPPY NOW SYUKRI? HAPPY TO SEE ME CRY RIGHT? SHLL I CRY IN UR FACE ONE MORE TIME? ... hais... i dunno wad to think now... i ran to the toilet if xinxin... i eventually calmed down and went home.. now its none of my business.. im never going back to the blondies... if they hate me so much then they should be happy i left... so heres my regards.. i wun haf anything to do wif the blondeis from tdy onwards... im gonna hang wif the people hu like me for my pesonality and hu shares the same interest... cos dats wad its all abt right? =) i wun haf to bother about them hating me or saying i changed and not liking me and for wanting to change the way i am... i haf people hu like me.. so i dunid anyone hu dares to hate or dislike or insult my character.. cos dats jus ME! and dats how i wanna be.. cos no one can tell me and order me to be someone im not... and sry but i haf my own unique personality.. which id rather haf than be like someone else.. daesia's not playful..she's super perfect.. so is syukri! the student councilor and everything does not like too crack jokes and play! and benjamin! he doesnt laugh or talk shit or play and stuff.. and owl!! so mature and nth like me! he's oso very serious and not playful at all!!he doesnt crack jokes or laugh and is always very serious..wow! guess we're really not alike in anyway!! bullshit.. im in control of myself.. they dun own my life.. so wad i'll do is look ahead and improve my studies.. i'll show them... i'll show them they nvr deserved me and they never were my true frens. i'll show them i can do BETTER without them! so long bitches!